what now?

i just called the National Center for Mental Health and they told me that they don't have any opening for now. That made me upset a bit because i really wanted to be a staff nurse in that institution. Never mind the bad opinions and all those crap (stinky smells and all that), i really don't care. I will have my IVT training on July 29,30,31 and my Red Cross will also follow. But i'm having much hesitations because we don't have any yaya for Matthew. Who will take care of him when Aj and I are not around. This pisses me off because I have to make big adjustments just to be with Matthew but I have no regrets because that's my son. I have to take back the word. Anyway, office sucks too and as much as i don't wanna give a damn care, it will eventually corrupt my state of being. But anyway, I have to leave work as soon as possible to give way to my nursing career. Though pay is not of a luxury compared to other jobs but what i need is more then what money can offer. I have to do something now for my family most especially to Matthew. I want to give him the best future anyone can imagine and also our family to be above than the others. But i am not saying that i will be a selfish bitch in the future, I will help as much as i can to those people who are unfortunate. I am truly a nurse and I know in a partial purpose in my life that I am made to be that way. Sacrifices must really be endured for now for the future promises a bright tomorrow. Thank you lord for the strength and for the power to dream and for making me realize that everyday is an opportunity to change and to excel.